There are moments when you start to write something, and then think better of it. You start to question your stance, and wonder if you’re being judgmental. At the same time, you have to ask, what I was going to say, is it relevant, or relevant to my perspective? In this case, my thoughts center around one person whom I’ve not seen in probably five years. I’ve known him for ten. In doing a little online tracking down, I cam across him. I was forced to wonder, have we diverged so much? Appearances can be deceiving, but it would seem that his outward appearance is what mine was when I went off to college, and mine is more like his, when I first met him. I’ve normalized, lost the punk rock trappings, and consider my professional appearance. He went for the mohawk and the piercings. The irony is that as I look over my writings between then and now, I feel like I’ve grown as a person, in my perspectives and my insights. In reading his, they appear unchanged.

Time and experience make it hard not to color my perceptions, as much as I might try not to bias. I look and wonder when we stopped speaking, even though I know why. Despite having much in common, we were never able to maintain that connection.

Where my path, to me at least, has been singular and focused, his seemed to have changed direction more than a few times. In looking back, I wonder, how much of a nudge would it have taken, for our paths to have been switched? Regardless, I would not be happy with what he has, and I doubt he’d have any love for what I have.

In the end, I’m left with the thought I had in 2003, when I moved back to DC. “I’ll never stay, and you’ll never go.” True to form, I got as far away as I could. Him, he never left. Now, I ponder the thought that me, I’ll never go back. Him, he’ll probably never leave. I hated it enough to get as far away as I could. He’ll never leave, because he loves to hate it so much.

At the same time that I left, my then landlord said to me, “You’ll be back. Nobody ever really leaves. Everyone comes back eventually.” I replied, “Yeah? Watch me.”

Richmond, VA. Never again. 2,900 miles, and I’ve never looked back. Those days are gone, but those people live on. Here’s to hoping they’re happy. Especially him.

yeah, stuff...

She’s figured it out. She’s stuck with me. She’s embraced the horror. There’s no escaping now. She’s doomed, kept, owned, taken, and so on. She has no recourse. She is, yes…wait for it….Ms. Awesome.

For the hell of it. Ten years ago, I was living in Richmond, VA. I was slogging through college and working for E/B. I was in a rat hole apartment, broke, and fighting with Rachel.I didnt have a handle on my personal life, my professional life, a career, my relationship, or anything else for that matter. One could call it a low point. Ten years later, I’m in Portland, Working for MotherFruit, living in a pretty damned nice apartment, way less broke, and not fighting with Meg.

So, my goals since then…

1. Better town. Check!

2. Better job, and possibly a career. Check!

3. Better living space. Check!

4. Less debt, more income. Check!

5. Financial independence. Check!

6. The right girl. Check!

7. Still Snowboarding. Check!

8. Not dead. Check!

9. Apple Certified Macintosh Technician. Check!

10. Happy. Double Check.

I’m in a good place, with an amazing girl, doing what I love, surrounded by people I call friends. I have a busy and hectic life, thats pretty interesting, and a decent amount of fun. My Dad is gone, and so are all my grandparents. but my Mom is still here though, which is good. I could complain, but that would be stupid. I have it good, and my karma rewards me. I know this, and I dont take it for granted.

And, as of this writing, I’ve spent new years with good people. My mother text messaged me a photo from the Kennedy Center of her and my stepfather. I was so proud. I didnt even teach her how to do it. I replied with a picture of us. I think she was overjoyed to have an M&J photo.

Now, It sounds like meg is winding down and getting done for the evening. Time to find my girl, find a pillow, and call it a night. Here’s to a new year

So, I’m not going to bring things up to speed. I’m just going to recap slightly. After work last night, I hauled it up to Target, and dropped $60 on a humidifier. I’m tired of the winter air killing my sinuses. After setting it up and getting the world cleaned up a bit, I went to bed. It would seem that I slept pretty soundly last night, as M messaged me 3 times this morning, and I slept through them all. I didnt wake up until she rang the doorbell. So I’d call the humidifier a total win. I then got the chance to spend some morning time with my laydee. I say this because she’s given me permission to speak about her in the digital space. Since she’s no longer a banned subject, yes, I spent the morning with my girl. And of course, just as she’s heading for the bath, the doorbell rings a bunch. Its the UPS guy. I’d recognize how he rings the bell any day. I run to the door, and he’s gone, but as always, he’s left my package. The dude rocks.

I bring the box inside, and I open it up. What’s inside? A present from my five year old niece, my step-sister, and my brother in law. what did I get?

Lego Falling Water!

Yes, you see it correctly. I got FLR’s Falling water, in LEGO! I have the best niece (and her parents) ever.

Between my girlfriend, and one awesome christmas present, I cant lose this morning!

Time does keep slippin’ into the future.

While looking at the internet this evening, I was randomly hitting some of the online snowboard shops. Stream of consciousness web surfing led me to the online skate shops, which led me to the websites of a couple of skateboard companies. And then it hit me. I really have left that world behind. I havent ridden consistently in probably 8 years. And lets not even think about vert.

When did it happen? How did it happen? There was a time when my world was decks and wheels. My shirts were frayed from grip tape, I lived for the cheapskates catalog, my board was always in the trunk of my car, and I saw the world through the eyes of an urban athlete, who saw the constructed world as an opportunity for risk taking.

Now, my skateboard is in the hallway, behind the bathroom door. No wheels or bearings at the moment, since the bearings seized up, and the wheels wore out ages ago. It isnt even rideable. But its a Lib Tech board, so its pretty indestructible. At the same time though, I cant remember when I bought it. 2004, maybe longer ago than I’d like to admit.

I think what I’m driving at is how much my perspective has changed, and how my priorities have shifted. I’ve got work, and bills, and a house to save towards. I need to take care of the shopping, laundry, housework, and making time for that someone special. The idea that I might spend an evening rolling all over town on a skateboard just seems very far away. And I cant say that there was a time when I decided to stop skating. It just kinda happened over time.

Now, living in Portland, I spend more time looking forward to snowboarding. Granted, I’m not completely living that life, its a recreational thing, but I still keep up with it. I just dont see it as a defining lifestyle that skateboarding was, when I was 15. Granted, that was more than half my life ago, but we’re not discussing that.

Maybe I’m driving at the fact that I like to try and remember what it was like to be a kid, since I dont want to lose my ability to relate on that level. And thats driving me to wonder how I lost sight of skateboarding. And, conversely, whenever I talk about eventually owning a home, I always mention that I’m building a mini-ramp in the backyard. When I talk about my parents property in Seattle, the tree house will be next to the skate ramp. I’ve never lost sight of those goals. Maybe its possible that I’ve allowed myself to put skating on a shelf, since it wasnt essential to my being. Maybe my subconscious knew I’d eventually take it back out, dust it off, and get back into it someday. I dont know. But I wouldnt put it past myself.

There was a time when I considered myself a skater. And a time when I considered myself a snowboarder. More and more, I find that I’m considering myself an adult. The strange part is that I’m okay with that. Of course, I say that knowing there are Transformers on the kitchen table next to me. But at the same time, I look at iCal and realize how much happens in my daily life. Its packed.

Ten years ago, ical was kinda neat. But it was for people with some seriously hectic adult lives. Yeah. I have one now. I recognized that this evening. Think back to the Tom Hanks movie Castaway. Came out in 2000. In an early scene, the two main characters are busily organizing their lives with their day planners (yes, book calendars! Analog!). I remember thinking, that it was dramatized for the movies. That people didnt have lives that hectic that they had to organize their personal time around everything else. But no, I did that this evening. I caught myself planning my before work, after work, and day off free time for the rest of the month, and into next year.

Wait. What? I remember when a day off meant no plans. It meant watching bad tv and wasting the day, until you had to drag yourself back to work again. Now, I’m not sure which is more hectic. My work environment, or my personal life. The irony of course, is that I wouldnt want to trade any of it. I like the life I’m working on. I like the people involved, and the work I do. Its not entirely what I expected, but thats what keeps it interesting.

And here we are. So far from my original topic. For those of you who got lost, it was “when did I stop skateboarding, and why?” In the end, it doesnt matter. I think this post was a bit of my stream of consciousness rambling, as I figure things out in my own head. But it has spurred me to one decision. Come spring weather, I’m going to put new bearings and wheels on my skateboard. I’m going to dig out my pads, and I’m going to find some of those free skateboard parks that Portland has. I understand they have some pretty sweet bowls and pools.

Yet again, more posting on topics I dont discuss publicly. Funny how things work out that way. There’s a million things I want to say, one or two that I want to shout to the world. But as I said, some topics are off the table. So I end up being really vague.

There are moments in your life that can be defining. Moments where something changed. And while it didnt seem like much at the time, you see it affecting things as you move forward. You drop a pebble in a pond, and it sends out ripples. Those ripples affect everything around you. Then its up to you to decide whether or not the ripples were positive or not.

In this case, they’re positive. A month ago, I changed one thing in my life. It didnt seem particularly huge then. It made sense and the implications were relatively unknown. Now, I find that this one change is altering everything. Its caused me to rethink so many things, and see them differently. What I wanted then, what was important to me then, is so very much different now. I see it. I get it. I understand now. And the why is very obvious to me. I havent been this happy in ages. And its all worth it.

Yet again, were that I could say everything that on my mind. Its okay though. I dont have to.

Some things get better every day. Of course, this goes into the category of things I wont speak about. However, know that I am pleased.

Yes. Watch the video. And then let me ask this simple question.

Are you fucking kidding me?

MS opens two  stores. What one might call their flagship stores. Their first entry in to the brick and mortar retail market. And in order to to look spontaneous and hip, they have their employees bring the store to a grinding halt, in order for them to do the electric slide?

I have questions.

1. Do their employees really have so much free time on their hands, that they can drop what they’re doing, in order to dance?

2. Did they go through some kind of corporate, leader led training for the slide? What is the punishment for non-participation?

3. Are their stores really so empty that they can have enough floor space to do such things?

MS is apparently not down with the lingo. They’ve seemingly lost touch with what the kids are into, and apparently still haven’t managed to grasp, figure out, or understand “cool.” They do however, manage to bring their store to a grinding halt in order to dance to one of the 5 songs the DJ at my parents wedding was forbidden to play. I’m appalled. Seriously.

For someone who maintains an online writing presence, I’ve discovered, more and more, that I tend to be vague, and to speak in what may very well amount to riddles and other misdirections, in order to keep certain things within their pre-determined bounds. In short, there’s a ton that I could say, and that I want to say. But out of respect for others, I hold my tongue. Its not my place to hang laundry, so I choose not to. Bearing that in mind, here’s another post, chock full of nothing.

So yesterday and today have been somewhat down and up. Yesterday was a long day thanks to (CENSORED). 10AM to 10PM is a long shift. but there  was a decent interlude in the evening, which helped make it better. On the downside, I spoke to my mother and she passed along some disheartening news. Or rather, news that made me want to throw my phone and scream obscenities. I was rather upset about certain developments involving those I love and call family. I was particularly angry because I felt helpless. There was nothing I could do to help fix things. My protective instinct had no outlet, and it definitely burned me a little. I hope for the best though.

Today was definitely the up/rebound. Certain conversations were had and certain things were said that needed to be said, leading said participants in a positive direction. While this makes no sense other than, “A conversation took place,” it was positive, and I smiled for the rest of the evening. Someday, I may actually speak more on this subject, but I’m not at liberty to, and therefore I shan’t.

Now, its quiet in my kitchen, the rain and wind are howling outside, and I can hear the quiet tick of the fireplace as the metal backstop expands. One could aptly call it a dark and stormy night. Here in Portland, we get our fair share. In a bit, I’ll head for bed, falling asleep to the sound of the rain on the windows, most likely waking up tomorrow because the power has gone out. (its flickered several times this evening) At least I have the day off tomorrow. Tomorrow, a day filled with house cleaning and prepping for the arrival of my parents in 7 days time. Thanksgiving? I think so.

So it seems I’ve spent some time tweaking and testing MGL again. Every six months or so, I start to get tired of the way the site looks, and I’ll revamp it, and try and get it to look somewhat more like I envision it. Of course, that changes every six months as well. At the moment, I think I’ve found a good balance of clean lines, decent layout, and general overall features. Of course, I havent come across a decent widget that will pull my RSS feeds out of Google Reader and list them in the sidebar, but I think thats a limitation of Google Reader. Ah, how I miss you NewsGator. You were so much better than google reader. Yes, I admit it. Google make a product, a free one, that I happen to despise. However, its the only way to decently aggregate my news feeds across multiple devices. And yes, I know I’m bitching about something thats free. Too bad.

So yes, other than that, MGL is just about the way I want it for now. Yay.

In other news, Chris and I have been delving deep into the lore of our childhood. Most recently, Original episodes of Scooby Doo. Yes, the 1960’s and 1970’s Scooby. Not this new crap. I’d forgotten how good it was. At the same time, I’ve been scratching the itch to get back into The Venture Brothers, which is turning out pretty good. I’m enjoying that series too. Whats next? Who knows.

And with that, its high time I headed for bed. Must be at work on time tomorrow. Yay.